Courting Demons

You’re pretty good at hiding things.
I look at you, scathing laughter bubbling at the edges.
It comes easily now. You’d be too, if you had no choice.
Secrets and discretion have become a game, at which I am a master. I’ve learned to shield my eyes from those who seek to stare, and I’ve hardened myself to the emotions that once threatened too much. Sometimes I believe poison runs in my veins.
From you, I’ve hidden the worst truth of all.
I love you. Gut-wrenching, nauseating, consuming love.
How? You’ve managed to burrow beneath my skin.
I must tame this creature.
I look at you, and want to shrink back.
I hold my ground.
You know. How could you?
Your eyes say, “I do.”
Shock. Surrender. Fight. Armor. I must banish this demon.
Why?
Because it’s forbidden.
Why?
It’s dangerous.
So?
It could destroy you. Destroy me. Destroy us.
Is it worth the risk?
Could be.
It’d be delicious in its own right.
It’d cause a scandal.
Who gives a damn?
I feel your brown eyes searching me thoroughly, burning straight to my soul. Or the little I have left of it. My blue eyes oppose their own.
I have too many demons.
Who doesn’t?
You wouldn’t understand.
These eyes, these blue eyes that stare at you now? For months, they’ve shed blood tears.
I could help.
And what? Attempt to save me? No. I don’t need a savior. I never have.
Never will.
I can-
No. No, you can’t.
I’ll giv-
Give me what? A false sense of security?
No. An escape.
From what?
The world.
I stare at you in disbelief. Your hand twitches, itching to touch me. I close my eyes and force myself to let everything go.
That’s the last thing I need.
You turn to me, your eyes full of fire. Thick with ice.
You don’t believe me?
No. I’ve learned not to believe in fickle fairy tales.
I love you.
Well, that’s all well and done, but it’s not going to change things.
It’s a solice. You are heartless?
No. I had one, once. I had a soul too.
What happened to them?
They were ripped out long ago.
How?
Too much.
You are an Ice Queen.
Yes, I am.
You cup my weathered face in your palm, stroking the smooth pad of your thumb across my bottom lip.
I could try.
I close my eyes. This hurts too much.
No. Someday I hope to find peace. But I must do it on my own.
I love you.
And I you. But it’s not enough.
Isn’t it?
No. It never has been.
I kiss your palm. Fighting back tears, I break your gaze.
For the last time, I walked away.
From everything I once knew.
From you.