It’s crunch time. Within the next two weeks I have to decide my fate for the coming semester. Capstone, internships, graduation-it’s graduation-it’s an entire blur. One intimidating blur. Am I scared? Shitless. Excited? Yes. Nervous? Extremely. Confident? Maybe. Hell, I’m a bundle of emotions and probably a walking billboard for the stereotypical scatter-brained writer. Oh, well. I carry my “labels” with pride.
So, the question is, WHAT do I want to do next year? What do I want to labor over for hours, pouring my blood, sweat, and most likely, tears into? I think, THINK, I’ve narrowed it down to two choices.
1.)Poetry. It’s in my soul, and I can’t escape it. I don’t even want to try. I hope (by studying my ass off this summer to make up for crucial moments I missed due to life bitch-slapping me again) to take Jim’s Advanced Poetry next year. I know I’ll have to create a manuscript for that class, and having to create two of them may be monotonous, but I love poetry, and I’d be up for the challenge. I’ve had to create a couple of anthologies now, and well, I enjoyed doing so. I enjoyed plowing through the works of my poetry-lipped brothers and sisters and discovering inked worlds out there I never knew existed. I’m a veteran at Po-Jazz now (after Jim’s relentless recruitment), and I can tell you that when I’m up there on stage, under the lights with the music behind me, it’s the best feeling in the world. Reading my original works, feeling my body sway in sync with the rhythm and hearing my voice ring out into the night, it’s…amazing. It’s such a rush. The most incredible feeling above all that was when I narrowed in on my mother in the audience, and saw tears in her eyes. Tears of joy, awe, and pride, because her youngest daughter was finally following her passion. She knew how much poetry means to me, she knew it was my solace and savior in a shitty life, and she could almost see the magic I feel when I’m up on stage, exposing my naked self to the world (no, don’t worry, not literally). Somehow, in the root of my bones and the darkest edges of my soul, I feel like this is what I’m meant to do.
2.) Egypt. I fell in love with it thirteen years ago, and the lure of it has haunted me ever since. Maybe it’s because I was a demented little child who found things gruesome, like mummies, to actually be cool, or maybe it’s because that’s when my fire for history sparked. I don’t know the exact answer, but I do know it’s one of the greatest sources of passion I have. Hell, I must have to love it enough to have symbol of it permanently inked on my body. I guess, in a silly child’s way, it was my saving grace growing up in a shitty home life when I never knew if my father was going to come home in one of his drunken rages. At that time, I believed in what most children did, magic and fairy tales, and something about the ancient culture drew me to it. Hell, who knows maybe magic does exist, spiritually or emotionally, and it chose me. I’ve always felt an unexplained connection to it all, but as I grow older, I find myself losing grasp because I have so many other things to worry about now. It’s not as simple as escaping life and studying an ancient culture anymore. It’s about being realistic and having priorities and sometimes putting passions on the back burner. Ha, it seems like I’ve had to do that a lot lately. But this is something I’d be in heaven writing about for three months. But the question is, based on suggestions by the wonderful Jaime Berry and lovely Alli Neal, do I write a poem, a play, a course, essays, what? Honestly I don’t think I’ll have the answer until I do it, or make an attempt. I think it’ll be like a lot of the things in my life, leap head first and thing about the consequences later, as I live it-and write it- with passion.
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Hey Tara!
ReplyDeleteI like both of your ideas because they are true to you. If you decide to go with the Poetry idea, I strongly encourage you to, as I'm sure you would, use Jim as a resource. He knows his stuff. Maybe you could publish an anthology since you already have so much poetry written. Or, put on your own Po Jazz event!
The Events Planning department at Champlain could probably help out with organizing. You'd have to talk to them anyway if you want to reserve a space on campus.
I'd love to see you move forward with your passion for Egypt. It's so much a part of you that I think it's worth delving into.
I don't know exactly what you could do. Maybe you could write a play about what Egypt has meant for you and get Champlain Drama Club to put it on!? That would be really interesting. I would talk to Joanne Ferrell if you are interested in putting on a play. She is always willing to help out students who have the initiative and drive to put together a production. She'd be a great place to start.
Good luck with your Capstone! I know it will turn out great.
<3 Emily
Both of these sound like great ideas. Because you're not sure what format you'd like to use for the Egypt idea... why not combine both ideas and do something with poetry? An anthology of Egyptian inspired poetry, maybe?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Emily that Jim would be a great resource for anything poetry-related. For Egyptian resources, perhaps you could talk with someone from the UVM anthropology department. Elizabeth Smith who is a professor there did her PhD work in Egypt.
Also, Verve Editions on Pine Street also does quite a bit of vanity publishing. Publishing even a few copies would be interesting for either project.
Goof luck! Either of these ideas will make great projects.
Julia
Nice comments, both of you. I like the idea of creating your own live poetry event! Nice tip about Elizabeth Smith, Julia! Verve Editions tends to go in a slightly different direction, so I'm not 100% sure that'd be a good model--but if Tara does her internship over the summer with the Champlain College Publishing Initiative, she'll have a huge head start on understand publishing and self-publishing.
ReplyDeleteTim
Hi Tara!
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to say that I am taking Advanced Poetry with Jim right now and I highly recommend that you take it next year. I am a fellow poetry enthusiast and I think that you will greatly benefit from the class. It not only provides a great workshop environment to support the creation of a chapbook, but it also focuses weekly discussions on important aspects of the poets psyche that are helpful to personal development. Also, if you do create a full length manuscript, you should send it out to a contest. There are tons of them all over the country and it is a great way to get your work recognized. Once you are published somewhere you are more likely to continue to be published. I recommend the Bright Hill Literary Press as a place to send to. Check out the website for details about the contests! Good luck!